If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
