Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
