I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
