I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
