I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
