Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
