Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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