just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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