It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
