It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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