Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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