Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize