They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
my poor anus
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
