On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Someone came in the potted fern
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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