stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize