'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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