I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
