ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
