This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
