i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize