I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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