So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
