I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
