Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I am mentally ready for anal.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
