alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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