Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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