After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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