Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
