We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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