At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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