i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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