I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
