we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
