I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
