Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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