In the future we'll all be gay
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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