she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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