i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Congratulations! We have a period
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
