i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Who wears a wallet chain?!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
