who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Boobs are out for the taking
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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