I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I seem to have left my pride at pride
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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