ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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