i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
