she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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