The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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