also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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