I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
