Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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