Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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