Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize