i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
