So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
