i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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