and next time when you feel me up, do it right
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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