And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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