Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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