I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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