no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
