i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
