But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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