I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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