do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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