Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
