Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
