I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
