If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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