I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
