Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
