You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
