He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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