I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
