You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
