You can't special order awesome
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
