I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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