You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
