yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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